Friday, November 02, 2007

Hunting For Chichilticale (revised)

Left: Map of Southeastern Arizona


Several years ago, I picked up a big coffee-table-type book at a used book store called "To The Inland Empire," written by former Interior Secretary (under the Kennedy Administration) Stewart Udall. The book concerns the Coronado Expedition, Spain's vanguard 1540/42 exploration for gold in the American Southwest. (Interestingly, this particular 1987 volume has Udall's signature on the inside front cover).

One of the abiding mysteries of locating Coronado's exact trail in the Southwest is the identity of a prominent brick-red ruin they called Chichilticale (believed to be a Nahuatl word for "Red House"). The mystery is part of identifying the exact location where the Cibola-bound expedition departed eastwards from the San Pedro River in Arizona towards the Mogollon Rim, some distance north of the current international border.

There are a number of plausible places where an expedition can turn east - Government Draw, Texas Canyon, Tres Alamos Wash, etc., etc. even as far north as Aravaipa Canyon. One of these paths is correct. But which one? The written record is of some help, but since Coronado was in a strange land, the record is sometimes vague - even conflicting.

According to Udall's book (and assuming, for the sake of argument, that the path went through the Winchester Mountains):
Coronado's destination beyond the pass in the Winchesters was a ruin at "the foot of the cordillera" called the Chichilticale by local Indians. The exact location of this landmark is a mystery. It's eroding walls were last seen and described as "...perfectly filled with stone and mortar..." by Captain Juan de Anza in 1775; but by the time scientists began to search for it, in this century, erosion had obliterated its foundations.

The dean of southwestern archaeologists, Dr. Emil W. Haury, of the University of Arizona, has been involved in the search for the Chichilticale for sixty years. He walked over the ground with Professor Bolton in 1940 and believes it will ultimately be identified by men and women of his profession somewhere near the 76 Ranch, in the foothills of the western flank of the Pinaleno Mountains. At eighty, Dr. Haury is still excited by the riddle of the Red House. When Chichilticale is located, he says, it will enrich science and surely become a premier historic place in our national park system.

Another geography puzzle concerns the location of the nearby Chichilticale Pass, described by Juan Jaramillo. It was at this notch that the Europeans would have had their first glimpse of the region they called the despoblado. It is likely the Chichilticale Pass was part of the nineteenth-century military trail to Fort Grant, which ascended the canyon between Cedar Mountain and Cedar Springs Butte. But, again, Spanish or Indian artifacts should someday provide solid proof of this exact position of this pass in the Pinalenos.
When I first read this, I thought "This has got to be the biggest pile of horse droppings west of the Mississippi."

First, in the arid southwest, erosion takes nearly forever to obliterate anything. People's activities erode foundations considerably faster than water. No doubt, people already know the location of the Chichilticale ruin, it's just that they haven't made the connection that this particular ruin IS Chichilticale.

Secondly, Udall takes it almost as a matter of faith that the deans of southwestern archaeology were correct in asserting that Chichilticale is located at the western end of the Pinalenos, somewhere around Eagle Pass. Indian ruins are not like the mythic Scottish village of Brigadoon, disappearing for a century at a time, then to reappear again for a day in the light of dawn. Given the slow rate of decay of Indian ruins, I would maintain that if there aren't any good candidates for Chichilticale already in evidence at Eagle Pass, whether in 1940, 1987, or today, then it is unlikely that Chichilticale is to be found at Eagle Pass.

Presumably 150 years of Apache Indian wars in the region had accelerated the decay of Chichilticale, and led to the collapse of its signature brick-red walls. The ruins must still be there, however. So, as a fun project (say, in retirement) it would be nice to track these things down, and identify Chichilticale to everyone's satisfaction!

Lo, and behold, an independent researcher named Nugent Brasher, a petroleum exploration geologist living in Glenwood, N.M. (odd place for petroleum, but nevermind) reports in the latest issue of The New Mexico Historical Review (Fall 2007, Volume 82, Number 4) on his search for Chichilticale. His article is entitled "The Chichilticale Camp Of Francisco Vasquez de Coronado - Search for the Red House."

With enthusiastic energy, Brasher tramped up and down the countryside looking for Chichilticale. For the purpose of his search, in order to insulate his mind, he made a point not to read the potentially-misleading academic literature, but rather, to read a carefully-selected subset of writings directly from the expedition itself, in Spanish, and in English translation.

Brasher believes the Coronado expedition headed eastwards from the San Pedro River fairly early once it passed Miller Peak in the Huachuca Mountains, and went up Government Draw. He places Chichilticale at Kuykendall ruins, adjacent to Turkey Draw, at the western foot of the Chiricahua Mountains. Chichilticale Pass he identifies as Apache Pass, at Fort Bowie.

Brasher also assembles several lines of technical evidence indicating Kuykendall ruins is Chichilticale. The brick-red color of the fire-burnt walls of the eroded ruin is consistent with the brick-red color attributed to Chichilticale. In addition, the presence in the ruins of a specific kind of iron bolthead used in Spanish crossbows during Coronado's time (but no later), plus a period nail shank also serve as potentially-confirming evidence.

The Spaniards also indicated that the mountain range direction *bent* at Chichilticale Pass. Since the Pinalenos trend a different direction than the Chiricahuas, I always figured that's what the Spaniards meant by a bend. But at Apache Pass, the mountains are much smaller than the Pinalenos and the bend is very noticeable - and intimate. At Apache Pass, the Dos Cabezas mountains run NW/SE, and the Chiricahuas N/S! This line of evidence is circumstantial, but does strengthen Brasher's point to some extent.

The Spanish apparently associated changes in mountain range directions with changes in coastline directions. They may well have heard the California coastline extends westwards father north, and so mountain range direction changes had added significance in their minds, and were thus notable enough to record.

To me, Brasher's argument makes a lot more sense than placing the San Pedro departure point farther north. The reason comes from Coronado's own words, to Mendoza, as quoted in Udall's book, describing the despoblado after Chichilticale Pass:
To vary our past tribulations, we found no grass during the first days and encountered more dangerous passages than we had previously experienced. The horses were so exhausted they could not endure it, and, in this last desert, we lost more than previously. The way is very bad for at least thirty leagues or more through impassable mountains. But, when we had covered those thirty leagues, we found fresh rivers and grass like that of Castile.
Thirty Spanish leagues, at 2.6 miles per league, works out to be about eighty miles.

If Chichilticale Pass is at Eagle Pass, at the west end of the Pinalenos, the distance up the Calva military road to Point of Pines, AZ is only about 70 miles - likely too short for Coronado's memory. If, however, Coronado went through Apache Pass, down the San Simon Valley on the east side of Mt. Graham, and then, instead of heading up the west side of the Gila Mountains, went up Bonita Creek on the east side, then the distance is more like 100 miles - even longer if they indeed went up the Calva road. An arduous trek, even granting the chance for a rest besides the banks of the Gila River!

There is a certain line of romantic environmental thinking that grazing in the San Simon Valley was once much better (prior to the big cattle herds of the 1870's and 1880's). I'm skeptical of some of this thinking, because I doubt Arizona could ever have sustained Texas-sized cattle herds, even then. I just bet the San Simon Valley was nearly as depressing a despoblado ride then as it is today. That would, indeed, be a hard trek for more than a thousand Spaniards, and their livestock, on that saltbush flat, followed by the ascent up the Mogollon Rim!

To me, Brasher's argument has a ring of truth, a plausibility, that should require careful attention.

And I guess I'll have to do something else in retirement....

The Politics of Parsing

Communicating effectively requires some consistency!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Richer Than Croesus

And one-note wonders too:
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton’s (D-N.Y.) top advisers, doing damage control after the candidate’s debate performance Tuesday, told supporters on a conference call Wednesday that the campaign needed more money to fight back.
Wish I Understood This Mortgage Universe Better

ABN AMRO unloaded my mortgage to CitiMortgage a couple of months ago. Even though my mortgage is a relatively-safe, fixed-rate, 15-year thing-ma-bob, the transition was so rapid it seemed like my mortgage might be some kind of hot potato, like maybe it contained antibiotic-resistant staphylococcus, or something.

Now, CitiGroup seems to be having issues. Atrios wonders if it will go "tits up".

What then for my dull thing-ma-bob? "Who Will Buy?", like they sing in "Oliver!"
Noel's Short Window Of Opportunity

Before she makes the extratropical transition:
WATER VAPOR IMAGERY SHOWS A MID-LEVEL SHORT WAVE MOVING THROUGH THE FLORIDA STRAITS AND BEGINNING TO INTERACT WITH NOEL...SIGNALING THE START OF EXTRATROPICAL TRANSITION. WITHIN ANOTHER 12 HOURS OR SO...THE SHEAR BECOMES PROHIBITIVE FOR STRENGTHENING AS A TROPICAL CYCLONE...SO THERE IS ONLY A SHORT WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY FOR NOEL TO BECOME A CANE. HOWEVER...AFTER EXTRATROPICAL TRANSITION...GLOBAL MODEL GUIDANCE SUGGESTS THAT NOEL WILL BECOME AN EXTREMELY LARGE AND POWERFUL CYCLONE.
Reaping The Whirlwind

How Orange County conservatives crippled their own fire departments, so an adequate crisis response was not possible when the fires came.

(And may come again soon, since the weather forecast calls for more high pressure for more than a week....)

Live by the tax cut, die by the tax cut....
"Everything's Cool" - A Movie About Global Warming

From Kathy, a trailer for an interesting new documentary.

(I will disable the trailer, because it fires up automatically, and therefore is annoying. The trailer is located here).
High Heels

Love them, but they have their downside:
Two women who escaped from their car when it became stuck on train tracks in Riverside overnight were killed when the train hit the vehicle and dragged it over them as they walked away, apparently struggling in their high heels, authorities said today.

...Investigators believe that shortly after midnight, a 1996 Honda Passport turned southbound from Mission Inn Avenue onto a crushed rock shoulder that parallels the train tracks and became stuck in the gravel on the train tracks while attempting a U-turn.

The two women, the car's only occupants, then got out of the car and were trying to walk back to Mission Inn Avenue when the train struck the vehicle, Frasher said.

The impact wedged the car between the train and a tall block wall that runs closely adjacent to the tracks, dragging the vehicle toward the women. The driver, 23, and her passenger, 18, were both residents of San Bernardino. They were not immediately identified, while authorities contacted their relatives.

The women were trapped between the train and the block wall and crushed by the vehicle as it was dragged over them, Frasher said.

"It appears they were in high heels and having a hard time getting away quickly with the gravel they were walking on," he said.
October Blues Extend To November

DJI really tanks today! 360 points, and plunging.

Since the ARM subprime mortgage resets peak next March, we have at least another six months of really rough going ahead.
Absentee Halloween

Because I had to race off to DMTC I didn't get to hand out Halloween candy as I preferred. Instead, I set out a chair out front on which I placed a tray of candy, with an invitation to take as much as one pleased.

When I got back, the chair and the candy were wet from the sprinkler, which had come on in the interim. At first, I thought all the candy tray was untouched, but then I noticed all the Butterfinger pieces were still there, but most of the Snickers pieces had vanished.

The ghouls of the neighborhood have made their preferences known.....
The Polar Bear Who Came To Play

Via fonkcyclist (and others), a really interesting story about a polar bear who approached a group of sled dogs, and, instead of attacking, was persuaded by the dogs to play.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Noel Changes Her Mind

Instead of Florida, she wants to go to Newfoundland.
Here I Thought It Was 2007, And Now It's 1946....

Apparently one of the "Brigadoon" cast members is ill, and so I've been tapped to substitute, as a dancer, and as an all-around kilt-wearin', caber-tossin', highland-flingin' Scottish clansman.

[Update] Apparently I'm not to substitute after all, but rather to serve as an extra xy chromosome on stage. The cast is a bit estogen-rich, and therefore kilt-starved, and so the more guys, the merrier.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Cheryl Bly-Chester Is Running Again!

Republican Cheryl Bly-Chester was among the most-effective of the candidates who ran in the 2003 California Gubernatorial Recall Election. Following 2003, she was appointed by Governor Schwarzenegger to the Department of Conservation and the California Mining and Geology Board.

As of October 26th, Cheryl is running for California's 4th District Assembly (comprised of most of Placer County, most of El Dorado County, all of Alpine county, and part of Sacramento County). Cheryl is jockeying to fill the seat of current 4th District Assembly member Ted Gaines, who presumably will be running for John Doolittle's Congressional seat next fall. Cheryl's likely opponent for Gaine's seat will be Christian radio talk show host Eric Hogue.

What distinguishes Cheryl Bly-Chester from other conservative Republicans is her ability to seek out fresh, heterodox approaches to fixing our political problems. Her engineering-oriented problem-solving mindset allows her to see beyond outmoded rigid ideological categories and allows her to work with the motliest kinds of crew (meaning other Californians) for the optimum solution to any given problem.

Here's to Cheryl and her campaign! Contribute, if at all possible!
Slipping Into Normalcy

Drought-stricken Australia seems to have had close-to-a-normal month of October rainfall. NSW and Victoria (and eastern Tasmania) got less than normal, but the cold front that will pass through over the next couple of days should remove a good chunk of NSW from the less-than-normal category.

Strong thunderstorms on Sunday placed some portions of Queensland above normal. Schizophrenic Tasmania has seen lots of rain in the west this month.

Hopefully the drought will begin to ease. The Southern Oscillation Index is now at a value of about four - mild La Nina conditions that are, at least, not unfavorable for rain. And the summer rainy season should begin to make itself evident soon.
So, What's Wrong With Privatizing Government?

Just that there are some things government does that cannot bear interruption, particularly by surly contractors that want to get paid:
The Army manager and his assistant wondered if KBR could really do this. If soldiers or officers tried to pull this same stunt in the old Army, the general would court-martial them, and they could be sent to prison. However, according to federal contracting rules, a company has the right to stop work if that company is risking a large amount of its own money and the government is unable to pay due to funding problems. Clearly, wartime conditions should be an exception when soldiers' lives are on the line, but there is no legal basis for a general to force a company's employees to work beyond the contracting rules. The company or its employees can stop work or go home, and there is nothing that military commanders can do about it, except seek drawn-out legal-contract remedies in the courts back in the United States.

The Army logistics contract manager and the camp's general officer faced the disaster of having to explain to their men, their superior officers, and the public that there might not be any food, water, or other vital supplies the next day because the Army didn't have a backup plan. Since the Army had outsourced these traditionally Army-provided services to one company, they did not have any choice. The Army was short of troops, so there were no back-up soldiers to take on these tasks.
Noel Is Abusing Cuba Today

After causing trouble in Haiti:
VISIBLE SATELLITE IMAGERY...RADAR IMAGERY FROM CAMAGUEY CUBA...AND SURFACE OBSERVATIONS CLEARLY INDICATE THAT THE CENTER OF NOEL REMAINS INLAND OVER EASTERN CUBA. PLENTY OF RAIN BANDS...HOWEVER...STILL EXTEND WELL AWAY FROM THE CENTER IN THE EASTERN SEMICIRCLE...CONTINUING THE HEAVY RAINS FOR HISPANIOLA THAT HAVE ALSO SPREAD INTO THE BAHAMAS. MY BEST ESTIMATE OF THE MAXIMUM WINDS IS 40 KT...WHICH WOULD MOST LIKELY BE OCCURRING IN THE BANDS BETWEEN EASTERN CUBA AND THE BAHAMAS.

Monday, October 29, 2007

A Dud Of A Year - Thankfully

Yup!

Pachelbel Rant

For your inner cellist.

Tropical Storm Noel Finally Materializes

And will affect southeastern Florida:
THE CENTER OF NOEL EMERGED OFF THE NORTHWESTERN COAST OF HAITI EARLIER TODAY...HAS SINCE BEEN MOVING NORTHWESTWARD AT ABOUT 325/13...AND IS NOW JUST NORTH OF THE EASTERN TIP OF CUBA. THE CIRCULATION CENTER WAS TOO CLOSE TO LAND FOR THE AIR FORCE RECONNAISSANCE AIRCRAFT TO FLY DIRECTLY THROUGH THE CENTER...BUT FLIGHT-LEVEL WINDS AND SURFACE PRESSURE ESTIMATES ARE CONSISTENT WITH A POSITION ESTIMATED FROM VISIBLE IMAGERY. MAXIMUM FLIGHT-LEVEL WINDS WERE 46 KT...CORRESPONDING TO ABOUT 37 KT AT THE SURFACE...WHILE SFMR ESTIMATES PEAKED A LITTLE HIGHER NEAR 50 KT. THE ADVISORY INTENSITY IS SET TO 45 KT AS A COMPROMISE BETWEEN THESE ESTIMATES. THE CENTRAL DEEP CONVECTION IS LIMITED AND THE STORM HAS A VERY SPRAWLING APPEARANCE...BUT PLENTY OF RAINBANDS EXTEND WELL TO THE EAST AND SOUTHEAST...CONTINUING TO BRING HEAVY RAINS TO HISPANIOLA.

THE MODELS HAVE PICKED UP ON THE TURN TOWARD THE NORTHWEST AND HAVE GENERALLY SHIFTED SLIGHTLY TO THE LEFT. DURING THE FIRST 48 HOURS...THE GFDL REMAINS THE EASTERN OUTLIER BUT HAS COME INTO BETTER AGREEMENT WITH THE OTHERS...WHILE THE GFS PROVIDES THE WESTERNMOST TRACK. DURING THIS PERIOD NOEL SHOULD CONTINUE GENERALLY NORTHWESTWARD TO THE SOUTHWEST OF A LOW- TO MID-LEVEL RIDGE. THEREAFTER...NOEL SHOULD BEGIN TO TURN NORTHWARD AND EVENTUALLY NORTHEASTWARD AS A FRONTAL SYSTEM APPROACHES THE SOUTHEAST U.S. COAST. THE MODELS DO NOT AGREE ON HOW SOON THIS TURN WILL MATERIALIZE AND HOW FAST NOEL WILL MOVE OUT TO SEA...PERHAPS DUE TO VARIATIONS IN THE PREDICTED VERTICAL DEPTH OF THE SYSTEM. THE OFFICIAL FORECAST TRACK IS DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE GUIDANCE...WHICH IS A WESTWARD SHIFT FROM THE PREVIOUS ADVISORY.
Carolyn's Mom

Mom: Carolyn, we should go see a movie together. What movie do you think we should go see?

Carolyn: Mom, I think we should go see the movie "Becoming Jane".

Mom: Becoming Jane? Becoming Jane? That movie isn't about a transexual, is it? Because I don't want to see a movie about a transexual. Not that there is anything wrong with that. It's just that I don't want to see a movie about it.

Carolyn: No, mom, it's a movie about Jane Austen.

Mom: Jane Austen? Jane Austen? She isn't a transexual, is she?

Carolyn: Mom!
Dawn Of The Morlocks

Unfortunately sexual selection isn't enough to drive evolution - natural selection is required. Since everyone survives these days, there isn't that much evolution going on.

(Hope it isn't wishful thinking....)
The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, according to a top scientist.

100,000 years into the future, sexual selection could mean that two distinct breeds of human will have developed.

The alarming prediction comes from evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry from the London School of Economics, who says that the human race will have reached its physical peak by the year 3000.
DMTC Haunted House

Left: Haunted House helpers, after 11 p.m. on Saturday evening. Evident in the photo (taken by Rebecca Rudy):

At far right, Renee and David Chan, with several of their kids are far left. Left to right: Logan Petersen, in the back; Marissa, in the front; Stacy Sheehan, kneeling; Steve and Jan Isaacson; a friendly monster; Arthur Vassar; Griffin and Jon Jackson; Virginia Shaw; Chris Petersen; Dannette Vassar; Marc Valdez. In front, Turner Petersen and Andrew Lemons.

An interesting and fun time!

Since we hadn't done this before, we weren't sure how many people would come out for this. We gave ourselves a minimum target of 200, which at $5 each, would yield $1,000. We actually got 271 people, which works out to $1,355 - enough to pay for the $200 Davis Enterprise ad, plus likely the bulk of the royalties for the YPT's "A Christmas Carol."

There were four, maybe five, stages to the tour:

1.) the Main Stage, where adults and teenagers in the two evening tours were first greeted with "The Time Warp," and children and teenagers in the afternoon tour were greeted with "The Monster Mash";
2.) the Laboratory in the orchestra pit;
3.) the Pirate's Cove, in the women's dressing room;
4.) the Judge's Chamber, in the men's dressing room; and,
5.) frightening apparitions upon exit, plus games, candy, etc. for the kids in the lobby.

Trying to gauge each audience proved to be an interesting challenge. The children, in particular, proved tricky. Some kids started crying right away. In one case, a fairly-old girl, at least seven, just fell apart. Even though her slightly-older sister was enthusiastic, their mother had to abandon the Haunted House. Goodness knows we tried. We told the screaming girl that we were friendly monsters (but would you trust a monster that said it was friendly?)

I do have to say that the sight of yours truly, in particular, white-faced, looking like the Emperor Palpateen from "The Return of the Jedi," a large adult spastically hopping and dancing to the "Monster Mash," just totally creeped out the littlest kids.

Left: A friendly monster!

There was one problem I didn't appreciate until late. In a typical musical-theater evening, there might be three or four vigorous musical numbers. In this Haunted House, however, there was a Satanic kind of Ground Hog Day energy at work. We had to vigorously dance "The Time Warp" (or the "Monster Mash"), with full energy, every fifteen minutes, for four hour stretches of time. Like "Up With People," but for zombies. Sometimes we got lucky, and there were breaks, but not that many. My legs still hurt...... I'm sure Virginia and Dannette, Andrew and Chris, feel similarly.....

We had favorite groups that came in. The four teenage girls from UCD on Friday evening made us all smile. Sometimes you could tell who would be good, in advance. When teenaged screams could be heard echoing through the theater even before they were seated, you knew they would be good!
Left: The incomplete Brigadoon set was suitable as a "Time Warp" backdrop on the Main Stage.

Lighting, of course, was crucial. I particularly liked the white fluorescent light at the top of the orchestra pit exit stairs. Not only did the light perform a crucial safety function, but it tended to blind the patrons, so they could not see the imps hiding in the darkness to jump out at them after the rounded the hairpin curve to enter the Pirate's Cove.
I was in charge of the script for the Judge's Chamber, which I based on a few quotes from the movie "The Life And Times Of Judge Roy Bean."

Arthur Vassar played the Judge, I played the Bailiff, and either Jon Jackson or Jan Isaacson interjected as the tour guide. Dannette Vassar and Griffin Jackson played heads; sometimes little girls Marissa and Cassidy as well.

Once the screaming started, the script was but the spare skeleton of what was actually improvised.
Left: Treasure Chest in the Pirate's Cove.

Andrew Lemons, and either Chris Petersen or Steve Isaacson, were in charge of the Pirate's Cove.

Either John van Wort, and his son Chris, were in charge of the Laboratory, or Steve Isaacson (Steve I, the Science Guy) and Turner Petersen.
Left: Silent dummies tell no tales.

Below: Experiments in the Laboratory....


Left: The sad tale of a mutiny....


The family that came in on Sunday, in particular, had a real visual flair, and decorated the dressing rooms with lots of cobwebs and symbolic paraphernalia.


Left: The Judge likes his symbols.


Words to the Rocky Horror Picture Show's "Time Warp" (with Dannette Vassar as 'Columbia' and with Caitlin Humphreys as choreographer):


Riff Raff: It's astounding,
Time is fleeting,
Madness takes it's toll.
But listen closely . . .
Magenta: Not for very much longer
Riff Raff: I've got to keep control.

I remember doing the time warp
Drinking those moments when
The blackness within me
Riff and Magenta: And a void would be calling . . .
Let's do the time warp again.
Let's do the time warp again.

Criminologist: It's just a jump to the left
Chorus: And then a step to the right
Criminologist: With your hands on your hips
Chorus:You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again

Magenta: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me, no, not at all
In another dimension, with voyeristic intention
Well secluded, I see all

Riff Raff: With a bit of a mind flip
Magenta: You're into the time slip
Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same
Magenta: You're spaced out on sensation
Riff Raff: Like you're under sedation
Chorus: Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again

Columbia: Well I was walkin down the street just havin a think
When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shooka me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pick up truck, and the devils eyes
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothin, never would again

{chorus}

The bare bones script for the Judge's Chamber follows. The actual improvisation usually involved accusing the tour guide of bodysnatching, to much protestation, who would usually reply with accusations against the audience as well. Tour guide, Undertaker Jon Jackson, would theatrically sniff blood in the audience. Jon would have also chosen a favorite target too: a giggling blonde, the smiley girl, the pointy-headed child, etc., upon whom we would focus much energy.

Interestingly, towards the end of Saturday evening, several accused members of the audience acknowledged responsibility for bodysnatching. Even though they were innocent!

It's a well-known aspect of human psychology that, when accused by someone in authority of having committed a crime, many people will confess to a crime, whether or not they actually did anything. Japanese nationalists in the late 1920's, in particular, used this tendency in the Japanese national character to frame people for false crimes, and thereby seize power. Nevertheless, I was really surprised to see this human tendency appear in this Haunted House!

Judge's Chamber Script:


(Guide brings visitors to the judge’s chambers.)

GUIDE: Hush everyone! The judge takes exception to noise!

(People file into judge’s chambers. The judge faces away, reading a large dusty book. The door closes. The Skull speaks)

SKULL: Justice is the handmaiden of law!

(Startled, the judge closes the big dusty book and turns around.)

JUDGE: Hark? Who goes there? Lawbreakers all!

Do you know who I am? IM Doom – Inferno Mellificent Doom, the hanging judge of this district! I'm very advanced in my views and outspoken. I know the law. And I have spent my entire life in its flagrant disregard. Because, in this district, I am the law, and the law is the handmaiden of justice! (Laughs eerily)

(displaying the two heads)

Here we have two wretches, one a thief and the other a liar. I couldn’t keep track who lied and who stole, so I issued a writ of habeas corpus – Latin for “I have the bodies” – until a jury can tell me who is who!

HEAD 1: (speaking of the other head) He is the liar! He lies!
HEAD 2: You lie! I'm not guilty of nothing. And you are a thief too!
HEAD 1: Liar!
HEAD 2: Thief!
HEAD 1: Liar!
HEAD 2: Thief!
HEAD 1: Liar!
HEAD 2: Thief!

JUDGE: Silence! (Thunder, then light goes off, then on) I am the judge! All stand equal before the law. And I will hang anyone for lying or thieving, without fear or favor! You will tremble at my voice and cringe at the terrible majesty of my wrath!

SKULL: Law is the handmaiden of justice!

JUDGE: You Lawbreaker!

GUIDE: Who me?

JUDGE: Bailiff, seize him! The bench recognizes you as a body snatcher!

GUIDE: Only in your service, your honor! You said yourself you have the bodies!

SKULL: Yes! Only you know where the bodies are kept.

JUDGE: Your argument is compelling! I will allow you to continue your journey, while I dspense final justice to these accused!

(As group leaves, the sound of a saw cutting through wood fills the air, together with the screams of the heads).
E. Has A Sore Throat

E.: "MMMMMAAAAAAARRRRRRCCCC!"
M.: "EERRRLLLLYYYNNNDDDAAAA!"
E.: "MMMMMAAAAAAARRRRRRCCCC!"
M.: "EERRRLLLLYYYNNNDDDAAAA!"
E.: "You're making me talk like this because you know it hurts my throat!"
M.: "EERRRLLLLYYYNNNDDDAAAA!"
E.: "MMMMMAAAAAAARRRRRRCCCC!"