When it comes to the Fabulous, Cable Dish-a-thon of the Modern Television Multiverse, I am a complete boob. Not only am I barely interested in the subject, since I don't watch all that much TV in the first place, but it actually gets rather complicated, with intricate deals, sophisticated packages, and hundreds of channels cleverly secreted in unbreakable, multi-year contracts. Nevertheless, for two months, I've been skating around the Multiverse like a newborn moose skating on an icy Siberian pond.
Today, there is a temporary resolution. And maybe I learned a little bit too. The Multiverse appears to be built with boobs in mind.
At first, I had Direct-TV. It wasn't really my choice. E.'s boyfriend C. bought Direct-TV for E. for Christmas 2011 (Or was it 2010? I can't remember. I'm a boob.) Anyway, she was thrilled, because now she could watch game shows in her bedroom. I was pleased, because I could watch Breaking Bad and the Weather Channel in the living room. Naturally, I was soon paying for the monthly fee.
In early February of this year, I decided to get AT&T U-Verse - both Internet and TV. So, I cancelled Direct-TV. E. was bummed. I liked the Internet part, but the basic AT&T TV was dreadful. There is a sort of Spanish-language ghetto there where they have about 15 channels in a pretty little row, where you could watch every variety of telenovela produced on the planet. And that's about all it's good for. I pined for Direct-TV again. E. swallowed hard and offered me money too. Anything to get her precious Direct-TV back again!
Direct-TV sprung at the chance to get my business back. I should have been subject to all kinds of fees, but they waived them all. Their technician came over, disconnected the AT&T U-Verse TV, and reinstalled Direct-TV.
But this left me with a problem. Even though I could no longer receive AT&T U-Verse TV, I was still paying for it. So, I tried to cancel the TV part. The AT&T folks on the phone balked at my outrageous request. The introductory deal was so good, they insisted, that cancelling the TV part would be tantamount to a criminal waste of resources.
When it comes to these kinds of either/or decisions, I have the fortitude of whipped cream. What to do? I thought about it for a week. My principal concern was music videos.
Kelsey B. was excited recently when MTV picked up her 'See Dis' video. I wanted to see it too on MTV, but apparently it's available only on MTV-Hits, a channel that, according to Wikipedia, is not carried by Direct-TV (on the package I have they carry two other MTV channels instead). What else does AT&T have that Direct-TV doesn't?
I remember fondly the early-Eighties, when MTV carried a riotous variety of videos for just a princely sum of money. I remember particularly well Easter, 1982 where we were guests at my Uncle and Aunt's mobile home on the eastern fringe of Mesa, AZ. We relieved the unbearably tedious family hours with the amazing video cornucopia then available on brand-new MTV. Well, today, if you want relief from tedious MTV Reality TV, for five times that princely 1982 sum (adjusted for inflation), you can do the same today!
So, I called up AT&T, to have them install their TV again. AT&T sprung at the chance to get my business back. I should have been subject to all kinds of fees, but they waived them all.
But this time, I first went to Radio Shack, and got an A/B switch, so I can watch both Direct-TV AND AT&T U-Verse TV whenever I please! Lots of fees got waived and I have low rates on both, and I'm getting a subsidy from E. and I get 3 months free of HBO thrown in too. Not bad for a newborn moose! I even qualify to get a free, $100.00 VISA card (six weeks delivery)! Yay! But I have to call a toll-free number first (which I probably won't, because I'm a boob).
Apparently MTV has a total of five channels. Amazing! I won't get MTV-Hits, though, because that's in the U-300 family, and I only upgraded to the U-200 family. But I always have the option!
Inevitably, though, the introductory rates will lapse and the monetary bite will become painful. But maybe by that time I can gather enough fortitude to make a decision.
Because we all admire decisiveness more than anything.
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